It's a new week and my last five days of the challenge. I would love to be able to change something this week. Yesterday, as I walked to the library, I felt so fat. I looked at my reflection on the store windows, and I wasn't, my arms can use more exercise, but, overall, I didn't look the way I felt.
I also felt like I've moved one step forward when I first started the tracking challenge, and now, two steps back with the asthma and the food cravings. I know I'm doing the best I can. I mean, one full binge in all these days is a major triumph for me. Yet, I feel like I've lost my commitment.
I still have determination, now more than ever, since I know that losing weight has helped partly with my back problems, but I don't feel the conviction that I will ever reach my goal weight, not like I did in the beginning of this journey.
I guess it's just one of those bumps in the road. I've fallen into a food rut. I need to find the spark I had on Day 1, again. Perhaps now with my planned "Points Reward System" for Friday, I will capture it again. Maybe I need a fresh new place to start my new challenge, a more public place to keep me in line.
I will start looking today.
I'm not sure what today's plans are. We didn't pick-up the eye glasses yesterday, they were suppose to call, but the didn't. Hopefully today.
I will write again later.
***
5:40 PM:
I've struggled with binge eating for many, many years, and I've spent a lot of those years berating myself for my lack of will power. I've read a lot on this subject throughout the years, and I've learned that binge eating is not controlled by will power alone, that it's more a psychological disorder or even biochemical.
Now, I don't know if that is true, but I do believe the part about the will power. I've also read that it's normal to have setbacks when trying to control binge eating. I guess that makes me feel a wee-bit better.
Anyway, the reason I'm bringing this up, is because I've been fighting this binge-demon all week. And it really shocks me that after "over" 14 weeks, of sticking to my plan, I've started the cycle again. Very frustrating.
Today, I just let the cravings take its course, I was almost "almost" tempted not to track the calories as I kept feeding myself junk, but that would only make me feel worse if I spoil my tracking challenge also.
So, here it is...2,524 calories for the day. I will not eat anything else for the rest of the day, (I don't think I can anyway) except for sugar free, ice tea or lemonade.
I can't wait to start fresh tomorrow.
